


Light in the Dark

by shinysylver



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Armitage Hux Lives, Ben Solo Lives, Choices, Conversations, Force Ghost Tai, Force Ghost(s), Friendship, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pre-Slash, Prison, Starting Over, Unrequited Crush, dealing with the past, with Hux, with Tai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24595036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysylver/pseuds/shinysylver
Summary: Standing at the foot of his bed, where there had been nothing but darkness a few minutes ago, was the hazy blue form of his first and only friend.Imprisoned at the Resistance base on Ajan Kloss after the Battle of Exegol, Ben and Hux are resigned to their new lot in life, until an unexpected visit from Tai makes Ben question everything.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Tai
Comments: 15
Kudos: 46





	Light in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is heavily influenced by the Rise of Kylo Ren comics, as you might have been able to tell with the prominent role Tai plays in the story. I'm just really interested in the past and how it might affect Ben now that he isn't trying to kill it. But all that being said, I still see this fic as a firm set up for Kylux in a preslash way.
> 
> Thanks so much to huxandthehound for betaing this fic and making it so much better than it would have been otherwise and thanks to inquisitor_tohru for always egging me on.

Ben startled awake, half expecting a figure to be looming over him, sword in hand, but the small cell was shrouded in darkness. It was a stark contrast from the fiery red glow that had seared into his eyes and startled him awake just now.

He took a deep breath, struggling to clear his mind of the lingering nightmare. It wasn't the first time he'd dreamt of that moment seven years ago when he woke to the bright glow of Luke's sword and the killing intent nearly smothering him in the Force, but it was the first time he'd dreamt of black masks and red lightsabers.

Sometime between Exegol and now, the villain in his nightmares had changed from his uncle to himself. He shivered at the memory of looking up into his own mask as the all too familiar lightsaber descended, and, in a wholly inadequate attempt to shield himself from the world, pulled the thin blanket up to his chin. It was something he'd done as a child, imagining that somehow a sheet of fabric could keep him safe. It was ludicrous, yet he did it all the same. 

"Ben?"

The voice was quiet, little more than a whisper, and Ben pulled the scratchy blanket over his head, thinking it was his imagination torturing him again. It wouldn't be the first time he'd heard that voice in the dark of night when his guard was down. Memories of what had been had always bubbled up when his control was lax, tugging him toward the comforting warmth of the Light. 

Before, he'd always harshly stamped out the memory, rejecting it and all that it stood for. After all Tai was dead and gone. What was the point indulging in the memory?

This time was different, though; he was done running from his past. Ben braced himself and pulled down the blanket. This time instead of darkness he was met with a soft blue glow, and he rolled onto his back so that he could see better. Standing at the foot of his bed, where there had been nothing but darkness a few minutes ago, was the hazy blue form of his first and only friend. 

Tai smiled softly when Ben's eyes met his own. "There you are."

He wondered if this was another nightmare, some new painful form for his guilt to take, but every instinct told him that this was real. Tai's form had somehow materialized in the Force, imbued with his unique energy. 

For all that seeing Tai standing in front of him pierced his heart, he didn't let himself retreat into the comforting rage he'd embraced in the aftermath of Tai's death. Anger and rage had always been easier than the guilt that lay underneath. They were simple emotions, burning out the guilt and fear and insulating him from the pain he felt. That anger had driven him over the edge into the Dark and forged him into Kylo Ren.

"That's not what I wanted for you." 

"I know." 

"So you can finally hear me?" Tai asked, the slightest bit of surprise registering in his voice. 

Ben sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the small cot so that he could take a closer look at Tai, taking in the features that had once been as familiar to him as his own. He may be as insubstantial as a holorecording, but Ben could still trace the sharp line of his jaw and lose himself in the deep, calm pools of his eyes.

 _Finally._ Tai had said that Ben finally heard him, as if he'd appeared often. There had been many sleepy, lonely nights that he'd thought he'd heard Tai's voice calling out to him, but he'd always assumed it was his own memories taunting him. Had it really been Tai trying to speak to him all this time? Had he been shutting Tai out night after night for years? 

"I always heard you. I just never listened," Ben said wryly. "I've never been the best listener."

Tai huffed out an amused breath, his lips tilting into the smallest of smiles. Ben's stomach twisted at the bittersweet joy he felt seeing that smile. Tai had always held his emotions close to his chest, putting forth a serene front to the world, but when they were alone he would laugh and smile with Ben. It had always made Ben feel special to know that Tai had chosen him to share that lightness. 

It had been the only time in his life that he'd felt special because of who he _was_ not because of who he'd been _born_. 

"You were always rather thick."

Ben couldn't hold back a small laugh, surprising himself at the sound. Even as a padawan he'd been too serious, too angry and utterly lost. He'd rarely laughed or smiled, so focused on the heavy weight he'd carried in his mind. The laugh was a release he'd never allowed himself and he held onto the feeling for as long as he could, but it didn't last long. Happiness never had in his experience. 

He grew serious, the smile slipping off his face as he took in every contour of Tai's. He looked so young now, forever frozen at twenty-two. He truly was a ghost from Ben's past, his life cut short because of Ben's actions. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are," Tai said. "I've been watching you for a long time." He tilted his head, studying Ben closely. "Are you finally ready to embrace who you are?"

Ben shrugged. "I don't even know what that means. I know I'm not Kylo Ren. Not anymore." He dropped his eyes to his hands. He'd used those hands to kill and maim and there was no escaping that. He shook his head slightly and looked back up at Tai. "But, I don't really know who I _am_. You always seemed to know better than me. What do you think?"

Tai had always been so insistent that he knew Ben. He'd spent half of their friendship trying to convince Ben of his own goodness, which had clearly been quite the losing argument. Ben had made sure of that.

"I think you have to figure that out on your own. I was naive to think I could tell you." Tai reached out one nearly transparent hand and brushed it down Ben's cheek, where his scar used to be, leaving a tingling warmth in its wake. "But I know that the darkness wasn't you."

"Yes it was," Ben corrected. He tried to catch Tai's hand against his cheek, but his fingers passed straight through it to rest on his own skin. "You always sought the best in me and ignored the darkness that's always been there."

"And you've always been too hard on yourself," Tai said. He stepped closer, moving into the vee of Ben's legs. He cupped Ben's face with his ghostly hands, exerting just enough Force energy to tilt Ben's head so that their eyes met. 

Ben had dreamed of moments like this as a teenager, his longing carefully hidden away where no one--not Luke and certainly not Snoke--could find it. Tai had once accused him of locking all of his secrets away in a box that the Force couldn't penetrate, and he hadn't been wrong. Ben had spent most of his youth with a hopeless crush on his best friend, but he'd always honored the Jedi expectation of celibacy, never speaking of the feelings that stretched between them. 

"I _am_ sorry," Ben whispered. "I didn't honor your death well." He took a shaky breath. "I let it push me over the edge. If only I'd known I could save you--"

"Stop." Tai's voice was firm. "That would have only led to your death. Everything happens for a reason and you were where you needed to be to save Rey."

Ben tore his eyes away from Tai, undeserving of the softness there, and looked at the bars of the cell that he'd been locked away in for the past few days. It was a primitive prison, thrown together hastily by the Resistance just outside of their main camp on Ajan Kloss. There were barely enough cells for the handful of prisoners that had survived the battle and there was talk of setting up a proper prison on an asteroid nearby, but Ben hadn't paid much attention to it. He hadn't really cared where he was held.

Of course any cell was completely incapable of holding him if he wanted to leave, but he'd willingly walked in, agreeing to wait until they figured out what to do with him. It's not like he had anywhere else to go.

"That doesn't excuse what I've done."

"No it doesn't," Tai agreed. "But it's a good first step." The lightest pressure tilted Ben's head back toward him. "What are you going to do now?"

Ben shrugged. "Accept my punishment."

"Do you think your mother sacrificed herself so that you could spend the rest of your life in prison?"

Ben frowned. "I never asked her to save me. I appreciate what she did, but I never asked for it. And I don't think I can be what she hoped for. I never could."

"What did she tell you?"

Ben closed his eyes and returned to that moment when he'd floated free in the Force, finally at peace for the first time in his life. It had been transcendent. For the first time in his life he had found the sense of belonging that he'd always longed for, but it had shattered when his mother kissed his forehead and sent him spiraling back to life. "She told me to live." He hesitated, wanting to get the next words right. "And that redemption wasn't a moment. It was a lifetime of choices."

"And you interpreted that to mean you should sit in jail for the rest of your life, never making another choice for yourself? You really are thick. You have the power to do real good, Ben.”

The words hit a little too close to home and Ben crossed his arms defensively, but before he had a chance to reply, Hux’s sharp voice called out from the cell next to his.

“Who _are_ you talking to? Have you truly gone mad, talking to yourself after only a few days of confinement?”

Tai stepped back and narrowed his eyes at the wall separating their cells, almost as if he could see through it. Of course with the Force he probably could. "That one is truly dark."

Ben stood up and tugged experimentally at the door, testing the lock. It was securely fastened—not that it mattered. "Maybe. But maybe he's just never had someone to expect better of him."

“Are you talking about me now?” Hux asked, his voice rising at the end, verging on shrill. He paused and then muttered, probably not intending for Ben to hear. “I don't think I saw anyone go in there….”

“So you don’t think I should be satisfied with a lifetime of imprisonment?” Ben raised one eyebrow at Tai. “What if my mother doesn’t approve of the choices I make? For that matter, what if you don't? I don't exactly have the best track record.”

Tai frowned at him and tilted his head to the side like he was trying to see into Ben's mind. It was the same expression he'd given Ben every time he'd made rash decisions as a padawan. He'd always been able to see Ben's reckless actions coming from light years away. "You have to make choices you can live with. There's no one left to protect you from the consequences."

It was a low blow, reminding him that he was essentially alone in the world, that everyone he'd ever loved was dead and gone because of his past choices. And yet, that rebellious part of Ben that had always bucked at the idea of doing what was expected, the stubbornness that he'd inherited from both of his parents, was starting to ignite again.

Ben tore his gaze away from the heavy weight of Tai's eyes and focused on the door. The only thing holding him in was an archaic lock, all mechanical without any electrical components. He raised his hand over it, only hesitating for a moment. All it took was a simple thought to release the bolt with a satisfyingly loud click that echoed through the corridor. He wasn't worried about being overheard though. The guards didn't concern him. 

Ben pushed experimentally at the door, pleased when it swung open easily. He could feel Rey stirring at the other end of their bond, probably sensing his unexpected use of the Force and the impetuous rush that was filling him. Not that it mattered; she'd been the lone voice against his imprisonment so he doubted that she'd stop him. Like Tai, she thought he could do more for his mother's legacy outside of the cell than in it.

As a child he'd always chafed at authority, but ultimately did as directed. The first time he'd truly made his own choice was when he'd run straight into Snoke's waiting arms. And considering the layers of manipulation that Palpatine had woven throughout his life, that choice had been anything but well considered. 

"Running again?" Tai asked.

After the destruction of Luke's school, Ben had run. He'd run as far as he could, trying to avoid everything he'd done, and it had taken him years to finally stop. "No. I'm done running."

He stepped out into the corridor and looked back at Tai. "But if I'm to live my own life now, my choices _will_ be mine. I won't let myself be led by whispered suggestions in my mind." He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the hardest thing he'd ever had to say. "Or by the expectations of the dead."

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, expecting offense, but instead found Tai smiling at him softly. "That's all anyone can ask. You have to step into yourself now. Not follow any of the paths that were written for you by others."

Ben crossed to Hux's cell and looked in at the other man. He was gaunt, his cheekbones even sharper than before, and his torso was heavily bandaged. It had been sheer luck that Hux had been transferred to a prison ship before the battle of Exegol or he never would have survived. Most of the other prisoners had been liberated by the Resistance, although a few had been brought back to Ajan Kloss to await future trial. 

No matter how worn Hux appeared, his glare was still the same. "Pausing to gloat on your way out?"

Ben turned back to Tai and met his eyes one last time, drinking in his features and storing them away in his memory. He nodded his head once in thanks before turning away from his past. It was different than before when he'd tried to close out the past entirely. That had never worked, so he let the memories settle into place to meditate on later, but he couldn't dwell on them. He knew Tai would always be with him in the Force, but if he was truly going to live, then he had to do it with the living.

"The way I see it, you saved the Galaxy too." Ben leaned forward and grinned at Hux. It felt strange on his face, but the confused discomfort that radiated through the Force when Hux saw it made it more than worth it. He had no desire to hurt Hux any longer, but throwing him off balance _was_ entertaining. "Want to come with?"

Hux stood up and limped as close to Ben as the bars would allow, trying to lean into his space as he'd so often done on the bridge of the Finalizer. Now that he wasn't hiding from his memories, Ben was struck by Hux's pale blue eyes and how similar they were to Tai's. "What game are you playing?"

Ben shrugged. "Does it really matter? Your two choices are to come with me or stay in this cell until they finally execute you."

Hux huffed indignantly, but he stepped back. "Good point. I'll come with you. I've managed to survive your presence this long after all."

Ben unlocked Hux's cell with a thought and extended his elbow to Hux. "Until we find you a cane."

Hux looked at Ben's arm like it was a rabid Rancor. 

Ben shook his arm. "Promise I don't bite."

"Maybe not, but you do strangle," Hux snapped. He took a few steps that looked quite painful before sighing loudly and grabbing Ben's arm. "Only because it's your fault I got shot in the first place."

Hux was quiet, his fingers digging painfully into Ben's arm as they made their way down the corridor. The makeshift jail was in an old mine and making their way out would take a while with Hux's injuries. 

They passed several occupied cells, but the prisoners quickly looked the other way, not wanting to risk the wrath of the former Supreme Leader. Ben could sense their fear of him rolling off of them in waves. It didn't fill him with pride the way it once had. 

"Why?" Hux asked softly. 

"Why should I be the only one to get a second chance?" Ben asked. 

"So this--" Hux let go of Ben's arm for long enough to gesture at him, the movement taking in his whole body. "--new you is actually real? It's not just a ploy to ingratiate yourself the Resistance and avoid execution?"

"It's real," Ben answered. "I'm still figuring it out, but it's not a trick."

Hux gave him a thoughtful look before grabbing his arm again. "So what's the plan?"

Ben shrugged. "Steal a ship."

Hux huffed in annoyance. "And then what? I swear strategy has never been your strong suit." He tightened his grip on Ben's arm. "It's a good thing you have me with you."

"It is," Ben agreed softly. A year ago he'd done everything he could to push Hux away, but now he actually was glad he was there. Maybe they could figure out how to start over together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are much appreciated.
> 
> You can find my social media information in my profile. :D


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